The signs of a relationship that feels good, the warning signs worth noticing, and what you can do if you’re not happy.
Relationships can change over time
Every relationship is different. Some feel great most of the time. Others have good days and harder days.
It can help to think of relationships on a scale. At one end are healthy relationships, where both people feel safe and happy. At the other end are abusive relationships, where one person is hurt or controlled. Unhealthy relationships sit somewhere in the middle.
A relationship can move along this scale over time. Noticing where yours is can help you decide what you’d like to do next. These signs are mostly about romantic relationships, but lots of them apply to friendships too.
What a healthy relationship can look like
Respect is a big part of it. You both listen to each other and take each other’s feelings seriously. When you say no, it’s accepted without sulking or pressure.
There’s balance, too. Decisions are shared, and one person isn’t always getting their way, with the other always compromising.
Trust matters. You can spend time apart without being questioned or checked up on.
Good communication means you can talk openly, even about tricky things. Most couples argue sometimes. In a healthy relationship, you can disagree and sort it out calmly.
You keep your independence, which means being able to make your own choices. You still see your friends and family, and you have your own hobbies.
Support is also important. Your partner is happy when good things happen to you, and they’re there when things are hard. Overall, you feel like yourself around them.
Warning signs to look out for
Sometimes a relationship slowly starts to feel less good. Here are some signs that things might be unhealthy.
Your partner checks your phone, wants to know where you are all the time or gets annoyed when you see friends. This is called control.
You feel nervous around them, or worried about how they’ll react. You might find yourself trying to keep them happy to avoid an argument. Making someone feel frightened like this is called intimidation.
They pressure you into things you don’t want to do. This is sometimes called coercion. It could be pressure to send photos or stop seeing certain people.
It’s unhealthy if one person makes all the decisions or often puts the other person down. You might feel you rely on them for everything and feel lost without them. There might be lying, a lack of trust or a feeling that you can’t talk about how you feel.
If any of this sounds familiar, it’s worth paying attention to.
It’s okay to speak up
If something’s bothering you, you’re allowed to say so. Your feelings matter just as much as theirs.
You could try picking a calm moment to talk. It can help to explain how something makes you feel, like “I feel upset when you read my messages.”
In a healthy relationship, your partner will listen. They might not agree straight away, but they’ll want to understand. If they get angry, mock you, or make you feel silly for raising it, that tells you something too.
If you’re scared of how your partner might react, it might feel safer to talk to someone you trust first.
Making changes, or moving on
Some problems can be worked through if you both want to make an effort. Setting boundaries can help. Boundaries are limits you set for what you’re comfortable with. For example, you might decide your phone is private, or say no to sexual things you don’t want to do.
Sometimes, things don’t change. You’re allowed to end a relationship if you’re not okay with this or the relationship isn’t making you happy. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, or what the other person wants – you have a voice and a decision.
If you choose to end your relationship, it can be hard. Feeling sad afterwards is normal, even when it’s the right choice. Spending time with friends and family can help, as well as focussing on things that make you happy.
When it might be something more
Unhealthy behaviour can sometimes turn into abuse. Abuse can be physical, emotional, sexual or about money. If you’re being hurt, threatened or forced into things, it’s never your fault. If you’re in danger, you can call 999.
Talk to Meic
If you’re unsure about a relationship, or just want to talk something through, you can talk to Meic. We can listen and help you work out what you’d like to do.
