Learning that your partner is transgender can be a whirlwind of emotions. It can bring up a mix of confusion, love, and uncertainty. So, what do you do now?
Acknowledge your feelings
It’s okay to have your own feelings and questions. This is a big adjustment for you too. Allow yourself time to process your emotions.
It’s also possible that your feelings of attraction may change. This is a normal and valid experience. Gender identity and sexual orientation are complex, and a partner’s transition can cause shifts in how you perceive them. Be honest with yourself about these feelings, and allow yourself space to process them.
If through this process you find that you are no longer compatible then that’s okay. If that happens, it’s still very important to treat each other with respect, and empathy.
Create a safe space
Your partner has just shared something deeply personal and vulnerable. Now is the time to create a safe, judgment-free zone. Let them lead the conversation and give them the space to express their feelings and experiences without interruption. Let them know you are listening and that their feelings are valid.
Active listening
Truly listen to what your partner is saying, both verbally and nonverbally. Pay attention to their body language and tone. Show empathy and understanding.
Learn about transgender identities
You may want to learn more about transgender issues to try and understand your partner’s experience better and avoid any assumptions or stereotyping. Search reputable sources like Umbrella Cymru.
Respect their identity
Respect their chosen name and pronouns, even in private. If you slip up and use the wrong name or pronoun, correct yourself and move on.
Be patient
Transitioning is a process, not an event. There will be ups and downs, for both of you. Be patient with your partner and yourself. Allow time for adjustment and understanding.
Respect their choices
Transitioning is very personal, but in a relationship it can impact both of you. Being a supportive partner means walking alongside your partner while also remembering that you are both adapting to a new chapter together. You could ask your partner how they feel you could support them best through their social and medical transition, and share with them how you would like to be supported too.
Be an ally
Stand up for your partner against discrimination and prejudice. Be their advocate in spaces where they might feel vulnerable. This could mean correcting others who misgender them or challenging transphobic remarks.
Seek support
Consider seeking support, either individually or as a couple. Talking to someone professionally can provide a safe space to process your feelings and develop coping strategies. Support groups for partners of transgender people can also be incredibly helpful, offering a community of shared experiences and understanding.
Talk with Meic, the free information advice, and advocacy helpline in Wales. We offer confidential and anonymous support by phone, WhatsApp message, text, and online chat.
